Black Pepper Chicken

Amazingly, this dish can be prepared under 30 minutes and it's so simple that you'll never fail. There're only a few points to keep in mind:

• Do not use breast meat. It's not meant for frying.
• Do not be stingy with corn starch. Coat meat sufficiently.
• You don't need to deep-fry the meat. Use oil sparingly but make sure the meat is evenly fried.
• Forget about following the recipe step-by-step. Unless if you're cooking for guests, it's all about personal preferences so be your own judge!
  

Recipe:
1. Ingredients
Chicken thigh
Green pepper / paprika
Onion
Cornstarch

2. Sauce
Soy sauce
Oyster sauce
Lots of black pepper
Lots of white pepper

Steps:
1. Cut meat into appropriate size and coat with cornstarch.
2. Deep-fry until golden brown.
3. Mix ingredients for sauce according to personal preference. Set aside.
4. Leave chicken on paper towel to dry.
5. Stir-fry green pepper and onion. Remove from pan.
6. Heat prepared sauce, add meat and finally the green pepper and the onion.

Hi, We're Mormons, Not Hippies

Hi, we're mormons, we love everyone. That's why we came all the way to Japan to do what we enjoy doing the most: talking to people about god and saving souls. I'm sure the Japanese love us too, because we have blonde hair and blue eyes and a sexy American accent.

You've probably met some of us, I'm sure. Because we're practically everywhere. Sometimes, we go knocking at doors but most of the time, you see us loitering walking around in the neighbourhood, greeting random strangers.

Many people are silly enough to mistake us as hippies, but give me a break, dude. Of all things, hippies? The hippies who believe in the power of marijuana? Come on, those people are gay. And God made it clear that He has a distaste for gay people. Hippies don't go to heaven, only mormons do. In fact, according to South Park, Catholics and Protestants go to hell. (It is also perhaps worth noting that Saddam Hussein was sent to heaven.)

I can never understand why the hippies concern themselves so much with environmental issues. I mean, who really believe we can stop global warming? We all know it's karma that's heating up the earth. Historical records show that global warming was nonexistent until after the Hindus and the Buddhists invented karma.

Global warming or not, there's nothing more important than the salvation of your soul. But eating crackers, drinking red wine and confessing your sins can only get you halfway to heaven. Let's not forget about donating to our church. We need money to send our missionaries to Alaska to convert the eskimos before the hippies get to them.

God-defying hippies, they're a wicked bunch. Isn't it surprising that in the world today, there're still people who don't believe in god? Mao Zedong, Isaac Asimov, Francis Bacon, Carl Sagan, Douglas Adams, Steven Weinberg, Richard Dawkins, Eleanor Ann Arroway, and probably Spock and Doctor Who... Their names are synonymous to god-defying hippies who practise satanism part-time.

But let's not be lax. These hippies are closer to you than you might think. Take this episode I encountered the other day, for instance. Paul and I were dilly-dallying walking around in the neighbourhood, harrassing greeting friendly Japanese when we met this foreign guy from some third-world African country called Malaysia. Alas, little did we know he was a heretic until he declared that he was an "atheist".

Oh, it took me sometime before my brain registered the meaning of the blasphemous word. While I thought all these heretics were all wiped out alongside the witches during the Spanish inquisition, here was one, standing right in front of me! It's so hard to tell a hippy from his looks nowadays. They don't wear voodoo trinkets anymore.

Recomposing myself, I tried to maintain my friendly smile. God gave me a chance to convert a heretic. I knew I could not afford to screw it up.

"Hmm... An atheist, huh?" I rubbed my chin, still recovering from the shock. "Do you believe that the universe was formed in a bang? So... Do you believe in money? Do you believe in love? In family?"

"I suppose you're asking me if I believe in the power of money, the importance of love and family. But let me clarify. I think you got me wrong. Being an atheist means I do not believe in the existence of god. Whether I believe in the belief in god is another question."

He was also quick to add, "I'm guessing that you're from the church down the street and the next thing you're going to do is to invite me to drop by."

Whoa, you'd think that people who don't believe in God are actually stupid but this one is brighter than your stereotypical type from the catalog!

"You're right. Our church is currently opening its doors to people so that they can see for themselves what we're doing." You know, some people have these strange ideas that we worship big stone statues, burn offerings and sing karaoke in the church. But that's not what we do. "What we're doing is seeking peace and happiness through God."

"Some people find peace and happiness in a bowl of ramen," the guy quipped. "Peace and happiness can be as simple as that. You don't have to resort to religion to lead a fulfilling life."

That was the most ridiculous thing I've heard. This guy must be high on coke.

"I believe only in God. Nothing you say is going to change that. I believe that when I die, I'll go to heaven. There, I'll meet our saviour Jesus Christ and we'll have a long chat," I explained. "So, are you coming to our church? If you do, we can talk more about it."

"No offense but, sorry, I'll pass."

Cool. At least Paul and I didn't have to waste our time. I'd rather try my luck with other less adamant people. It's not like we have all day to waste. We're not hippies who have nothing better to do than talking to random strangers. We're mormons. We're entrusted with the holy duty to remind people of God.

Oh, we give free English lessons at our church too. Join us any time you want.

God bless you.

*This post is partly fictional.

False Conviction

In the world of CSI and Bones, there's no unsolved crime, no bad guy goes unpunished. But unfortunately, in the real world, that's not how things work.

Imagine suddenly being taken away by the police for an interrogation, where you're forced to make a confession on a crime you've not committed. Then before you know what happened, you're chucked into a prison to spend the rest of your life there.

That actually happened to a guy from Tochigi. He was "convicted" of the murder of a 4-year-old girl. The 62-year-old was released yesterday, after DNA tests came back with a negative result. It's more than good to be a free man again after spending the last 18 years in prison for false charges.

18 freaking years of life, gone. So many things can happen in 18 years' time. 18 years ago, George Bush Senior was the president of the United States. 18 years ago, Michael Jackson was the King of Pop. And 18 years ago, we couldn't tell apart simian DNA from that of a homo sapien's.

The chances of a coincidental match back then was about 1 to 700, which was considerably high. That was how the man got convicted. But what's more unacceptable is that during the investigation, the man was roughed up and coerced to make a confession.

The press conference was in the news the other day. During the session, the man appeared calm but when he spoke about the forced confession, he couldn't hold back his anger.

"The police will not be forgiven." For a man who has lost 18 years of freedom, that can be naturally understood. He has lost much, including his parents who passed away while he was in prison.

It's scary to know that when we're expecting law enforcers to protect us, innocent men are actually convicted of false charges. Who knows how many others are there? And it can happen to just about anyone.

News articles:
DNA test findings lead to lifer's release
『警察、検察許せぬ』　釈放の菅家さん　語気強め捜査批判
足利事件：菅家さん「謝って」　記者へ手紙

The Brief Wondrous Life of a Free Bible

Forget about those hungry mouths in Africa; forget about those killer bees from Outer Mongolia; forget about those shrinking gonads of the general male population. Why should we even be concerned with these issues when there're other matters that demand urgent attention? Like, say, saving the rest of humanity from the eternal furnace in hell? That's why you see pretty girls and old aunties going from door to door to get new members for the church. More churchgoers means more tithe. And that would appease god, because god loves tithe. And what's more than having an appeased god? He's our ultimate solution to the famine in Africa, the killer bees, the shrinking gonads and other earthly issues. Praise god.

It is also the donations from generous souls (may god bless them) that I get to see the light of day. Obviously, it'd be more preferrable that I didn't end up in this garbage bin but despite my shortlived existence, I'm more than proud to have been entrusted with the holy duty of spreading the gospel.

I have as many days to live till the next garbage collection. But spending your last four days of life with a banana peel and a bento box in a garbage bin sucks high time. Which is why I'm going to pen about my brief wondrous life as a free bible before the garbage truck comes.

Yes, I'm a bible. Not just any bible but a bilingual one - English on one page, and Japanese on the opposite side, just like those Penguin readers. Learning English can never get better! It was a brilliant idea from our beloved priest, who had his epiphany (praise god) when he rolled off his bed in the middle of the night.

I came into existence in a printing factory, together with thousands of other copies just like me. Each and everyone of us was printed on 100% recycled paper with soy ink. So whatever those enviromentalist hippies (may god have mercy on their souls) tell you about melting polar caps and mutant lizards in the Pacific Ocean (I believe the Japanese call them godzilla), we have nothing to do with them. True, recycled paper and soy ink cost more but the church has deeper coffers than you can imagine. The cost for a thousand copies of bibles can't possibly be enough to fund an African child for more than 826.21 days anyway.

I don't really know where my brothers ended up. But some of us, including me, were given out to passer-bys in front of some university. Just in case you don't know, cults are pretty rampant in Japan. A lot of them satanists (may they burn in hell) actively recruit unsuspecting university students. (That's a reason why you shouldn't be an atheist. Nothing is more susceptible to cults than an atheistic mind.) You know, they invite you to coke parties, make you drink goat blood and whatsnot. That's why, we have the holy duty to reach out to the innocent minds, before they fall into the dark abyss of devil-worshipping.

It's simple. It works the same way as giving out free tissues. Sometimes, people just come up to you and ask for a pack. But in our case, people actually walk away from you so you'll have to coerce them. No one is rude enough to reject a free bible stuck right in front of his nose. Believe me, it works because that was how I ended up with some dude, whom I barely had the chance to give sermons to, because before long, I was shoved into a garbage bin ten paces away. (Lesson of the day: never give out bibles within ten paces away from a garbage bin.)

Oh, holy Jesus son of Mary, wife of Joseph! May god have mercy on the heathen! I hold no vengeance upon that misguided soul but I do hope he'll come to his senses soon and seek forgiveness from god.

It's lame to end up in a garbage bin but looking on the bright side, I'm leaving behind a legacy, this little autobiography chronicling my brief wondrous life!

Now, will you excuse me, I have to give a sermon to the banana peel and the bento box. God bless you.

*This autobiography is 'mostly' fictional.

Self-torturing Ritual

Jogging is a fun self-torturing ritual. It's more fulfilling than banging your head on the wall.

A game of soccer is charged with adrenaline; your eyes can never stray away from the actions on the field; once you do, you get kicked in the balls. Swimming is pretty much a matter of life or death; you know you can't stop paddling until you reach the end of the pool or you'll drown.

Jogging, on the other hand, is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. Except that you have to do it at a fast enough pace, or you'll have to call it "walking" instead. It sounds deceivingly simple, but it's as boring as watching a moustache grow. Occassionally, you bump into a hot chick on the jogging course but to be that lucky, you'll have to have amassed a hell lot of good karma in your previous lives. Instead, more often than that, you only get to jog together with shirtless uncles. So, you see, what keeps a jogger on the track is a sheer will of steel. And for fickle-hearted souls like me, it's a mental torture.

I had the worst jogging session today. After a long week of rain, the clouds had finally broken. A rainy day may be much dreaded but thanks to global warming, a sunny day in spring isn't quite as much a welcoming thought as it used to be. Today's a freaking 27゜C. Good for a bottle of scotch on a sun-kissed beach but certainly not for jogging under the scorching sun.

Nevertheless, I set off for my self-torturing ritual, feeling all eager to keep up to my previous personal record. My target was to go all the way to Futako-tamagawa roughly 7km away, and back, just like last time.

This was the route I took the other day. I didn't strictly followed the same route this morning but thanks to iMapMyRun that malfunctioned for the second time, I have to make do with this one.


Let's just blame it on the breakfast I skipped in the morning but for some reason, I was in low spirits. The red lights at the crossings pissed me off as much as the nicotine addicts puffing away by the streets. Even the slopes were killing me. Merely after 15 minutes, I started to doubt I could finish the course. The anticipation of running into a hot chick couldn't keep my attention on the track.

First bridge crossed. This was supposed to be the best part of the route but unfortunately, no breeze was blowing. To add to that, the sun was ridiculous. I wondered if by the time I finished the course, I'd be so badly sunburnt that my mom would mistake me as an Afro.

After crossing Marukobashi and turning right was the start of the jogging track. To my right was Tamagawa, where a bunch of anglers could be seen dozing away by the river. Along the river, there are more baseball fields than you can count, where aspiring kids train to be the next Ichiro Suzuki.

Futako-tamagawa could be seen in a distance. If it could be seen, it could't be too far away, eh? Yeah, right, 30 minutes away, to be exact. At this point, I started feeling as if I had had cow dung for breakfast. But I couldn't stop because my calves would start to hurt if I did. Anyway, I hate to admit it but I did make more than a few stops.

It felt almost as long as it takes to reach the end of the universe, but surprisingly, I managed to come to Futako-tamagawa within schedule. There were significantly less people there compared to Golden Week. After all, it was spring last week; today, it's summer. You don't go for BBQ in this weather unless you're thinking about getting yourself fried.

I soon came to the spot where we had our picnic last week. No picnickers there now. I thought I'd just lie down in the bushes and get dried up like a prune in the sun, till the next group of picnickers come by next Golden Week and discover my mummified body.

The last half of the course was more of a battle of mental strength. But I was just running a 15km course for goodness sake. By the time I train myself to finish a marathon course (if that ever happens), I'm sure I could light a match by mental power!

Now, here I am, feeling all achy in the calves and drained from the workout, physically and mentally. Preparation for the presentation? Nah, after a few episodes of my newfound entertainment, South Park.

But despite all that, I guess I'll be off in my running shoes again next week.