Thursday, 15 January 2009

Thorny Prophecy (Part I) - The Secret Sect

This is the first part of the sequel to The Secret Agent.
»Thorny Prophecy (Part I) - The Secret Sect

Sabrook checked his beard stubbles in front of the mirror. Boy, the rush of adrenaline sure made the beard grow. He preferred it short, like thorns sticking out of a cactus. He considered it a befitting image for a man named after the plant.

He didn't like what he saw in the mirror. The doctor told him to take a day off. "Plenty of omizu. Don't get dehydrated," he was advised. Dehydrated? Hah! What nonsense? A cactus never gets dehydrated, not even in the scorching desert! Sabrook sneered. But he was careful not to say that aloud.

It was supposed to be a brief meeting with a client, but things had not gone too well for him this evening. Five minutes after downing the wasabi milk shake, he ended up with a terrible diarrhea. His stomach felt like an abused punch bag. As soon as he plonked his buttocks on the toilet seat, everything started to drain out from the intestines like water from an unplugged bathtub.

Suddenly, the American appeared, barging into the cubicle, waving a sharpened bamboo chopstick as if it was a wand.

Sabrook thought it was all over. He thought his cover was blown. But then, it didn't make sense. The Teacher warned him against the evil schemes of the unscrupulous agency. He was careful enough not to have an account on Facebook or Myspace. They were but a new form of surveillance strategy - the agency has a division of computer nerds who could easily track you down with a couple of mouse clicks. Despite all the precautions, they got him nevertheless.

Ignoring the involuntary spasms, he concentrated hard on formulating a plan. But luckily, it was not even close to what he had imagined. Instead, the American appeared to be some over-suspicious lover who thought his girlfriend was having an affair with him. Sabrook was very much shaken, but the American left him unscathed after he explained about the cactus. In fact, he felt sorry for the American who ran away, wailing like the Sirens.

Pathetic Americans. They were the princes of materialism but were helpless when it comes to faith and trust. Why would they concern themselves with cheating partners when the world was facing graver issues, like the shrinking gonads in the general male population?

Sabrook could never understand. Let the puny mortals indulge themselves in the trivial matters. He believed that the cosmos had bigger plans in store for him. That was what the Teacher told him. He believed him, because the Teacher was a learned man. Likewise, he believed as much in the holy scriptures, because those were the words of God.

If only the world would take one advice from him, he would tell them "not to incur the wrath of God". The White-bearded Old Man Who Lived Above the Clouds had the privilege of pissing upon any mortal who was foolhardy enough to piss Him off. Or depending on the severity of the defiance, He might even throw him into a shit hole to marinate in fermented wasabi milk shake.

Man should learn from their mistakes. The Book of Dust told of the Great Drought, where man got arrogant and went against God's teachings. They drowned themselves in wine, they fornicated day and night, they ran naked in the streets. Wherever God looked, He saw whores and gays. Feeling sorry for what He had created, He cast a dry spell that lasted 150 days.

Of course, God did not have the heart to wipe everything off the earth - it would be too troublesome to redo things from scratch. The last time He created the world, it took Him seven days. So, He told Noah about His scheme and commanded Noah to embark on a search for the Sacred Cactus. Noah managed to find it in the Elbonian desert. It was of the same scale as the Babel Tower and could snugly accommodate a pair of clean animals for each kind.

No one knew what happened next because the remaining of the scripture was burned by the Church. (Presumably, Noah and the animals were spared from God's wrath, the scholars surmised, because otherwise, we would not be here.)

Then in the middle ages, the remaining followers of the sect were brutally slaughtered by the Knights Tempest during a crackdown sanctioned by the papacy. The holy land of Elbonia and its chosen people were effectively erased from the surface of the earth. Those who survived the crusade went underground, and never did the world hear from them ever since.

Unfortunately, the Secret Sect of the Sacred Cactus could no longer afford to keep quiet. Not when the world was at the knife edge.

Sabrook had got to do what he had got to do. Save the world.

He checked the details on his iPhone. Copthorn Hotel, conference hall. He had to take a good rest before his mission.

2 persons flung their shoes:

Zzzyun said...

haha this one is funny.. i was reading halfway till i realised oh! this is told from the other perspective! the poor arabian cactus selling agent :P

and i like the parody u made of the ahem, bible. funny one.

Kryptos said...

thanks, doc. u're always kind with ur comments :D

well, i wonder how many fanatics are going to stone me for this...