Monday, 22 December 2008

The Secret Agent (Part I) - Promotion

This is the first installment of the four-part series.
»The Secret Agent (Part I) - Promotion
The Secret Agent (Part II) - Eavesdropping
The Secret Agent (Part III) - The Arabian
The Secret Agent (Part IV) - Free-fall

The room was well-lit and kept clean to the finest detail. For a brief moment, the Agent thought he had mistakenly stepped into an operation room. But he knew he couldn't be wrong. He was told by the secretary to head right to the R&D room and wait. Dr Quack would join him soon.

The Agent scanned around the place with his trained eyes. "Risk assessment", he called it. Never let your guard down; that was his mantra. He had lost many a colleague simply because they weren't cautious enough. Just two weeks ago, an agent was killed in the line of duty. He was literally blown off the toilet seat when the pressure sensor triggered a C4 charge planted under it. The Company not only had to pay for the agent's funeral but also for the destroyed toilet.

But that was all part of the job. You could never know if someone sabotaged your closet with a boogeyman.

His eyes fell on a cactus on the computer desk. In his mind, he had already formed his contingency plan. Should he be assaulted by an unexpected enemy, he would hurl the cactus at him.

"But then, this is the Facility," he snickered. He doubted anyone could infiltrate the place.

Just then, footsteps echoed from the walkway. With the agile reflexes of a secret agent, he grabbed the cactus and turned around. At the same time, a lady in her early 50's entered the room.

"What are you doing with the vibrator?" She seemed to be a well-poised lady but her voice betrayed a slight irritation.

"Uh, this cactus is a vibrator?" The Agent could feel his cheeks burning in embarrassment. He returned the cactus to where it belonged.

"Just because it looks like a cactus doesn't mean it is a cactus. In the world of espionage, looks can be deceiving. Bear that in mind, Agent."

The Agent wished he could kick his own ass. First day after promotion and he was already getting lectured.

"Sorry, Dr Qu-" He managed to correct himself in time as he recalled what the secretary at the front desk told him - never call the lady Dr Quack; she hated it. "I mean, Q."

"It's natural to get light-headed right after your promotion. But let's not get too carried away okay? Anyway, congratulations on your promotion to the double-oh status." Q said.

"When you're in the field, you're known as L00. Remember, never give out your real name. Here, I've made you some name cards." Q passed the Agent a stack of name cards printed on recycled paper. Then she headed towards the other end of the room where a framed portrait of Mona Lisa was hung. Poking Mona Lisa in the eyes, the painting slided to one side, revealing an electronic key pad. The Agent made an educated guess that it was a safe.

After punching in the password, Q reached inside the unlocked safe and took out a red cell phone. She then carefully slided Mona Lisa back to cover the safe.

"And here's your early Christmas gift," she said.

"Whoa, a company phone! Cool!" The Agent beamed with joy. He had always wanted a cell phone. Nowadays, with vandalism so rampant, working public phones were almost nonexistent. In the field, a cell phone could make a difference between life and death.

"Yes, and no. Yes, this is a cell phone. But no, it's more than a cell phone. Remember what I told you - looks can be deceiving."

The Agent inspected the cell phone. It was a sleak, slide-type model. But it resembled nothing more than a cool cell phone.

"You may download the full version of the 100-page user guide from the official website. But," Q drew out a small piece of note from a file labelled "Classified". "This is all you need to know."

On the note was a simple sketch of the same red cell phone, together with some notes scribbled beside it.

Secret Agent Phone
So, it really wasn't an ordinary cell phone! This was one of the latest gadgets the people in R&D had developed. Now, not only he didn't have to worry about finding public phones, but he could also blow up public toilets with the remote trigger without getting caught! And, the eavesdropping function meant more than anything to the Agent - no more cheating girlfriends!

"If there's nothing else, you may dismiss now. I wish you all the best in your missions to come." Q broke the silence. "And yeah. Just a word of advice though, the eavesdropping function is not for listening in on your girlfriend's private phone calls," she added almost as an afterthought.

But, the Agent wasn't paying attention. He was too elated from his Christmas gift. Little did he know that the phone, being the greatest technological failure in the Company's arsenal, was going to be his bane...

4 persons flung their shoes:

K.O.J.A. said...

So u bought a new vibrator that looks like a cactus? Must be painful sticking up your ass :P

Kryptos said...

Tat'd b a pain in d ass, ouch. But this is not abt cactus vibrators. It's abt d crappy phone.

K.O.J.A. said...

but cactus vibrators are more interesting than your crappy phone

Kryptos said...

it's past tense. i forced him to go into early retirement :D