Wednesday, 24 December 2008

The Secret Agent (Part IV) - Free-fall

This is the finale of the four-part series.
The Secret Agent (Part I) - Promotion
The Secret Agent (Part II) - Eavesdropping
The Secret Agent (Part III) - The Arabian
»The Secret Agent (Part IV) - Free-fall

Tokyo city - one of the biggest metropolitan cities in the world. It seemed as if its 12 million inhabitants never slept. After sundown, lights flickered into life and the place continued to hum in relentless activity. One who was romantic enough would go as far as describing the city as a living beast with its own heartbeat, the complicated network of transportation system being the veins that kept it alive.

The Agent looked down at the foot of the structure. The overwhelming sense of vertigo almost tipped him over. He was, after all, at a height of at least 300 meters.

He had never been good at physics. But he knew enough to be able to estimate the time required for the 300-meter free fall - eight seconds. To an outside observer, that wouldn't seem too long. But to the free-falling guy, it would be the longest eight minutes in his life. Was it Einstein who said that? He wondered what would flash through his mind during the fall? His family? His high school report card? Or his girlfriend?

He wanted to end it right there, right now. He just couldn't take it anymore. The crap nearly cost him the most important thing in his life.

* * * * *

The Agent squinted his eyes at the third monitor. It was showing the footage from the men's room. Tenchou-san had the CCTVs installed in the restrooms after a series of toilet paper thefts. Thanks to the cameras, the Agent's job was much easier.

He had quietly slipped into the security room when he saw the Arabian excusing himself from the table. The laxative must be working, he thought. He had emptied two packets of it into the Arabian's wasabi milk shake just to be sure. Of course, no one saw how he did it. That was one of those things they taught you at the Academy.

From the video footage, the Agent could see the Arabian making it to the restroom. He was already pulling down his pants on the way. Perhaps two doses of laxative was a little too much. He rushed into the first cubicle, where the toilet cover was already lifted up, waiting for his divined arrival. The Agent's pupils constricted.

The Arabian plonked his buttocks on the toilet seat and relieved himself of the pressure building up in his bowels. But nothing went kaboom. The Agent planted the charges alright, but not the pressure sensors. He was going to use the trigger function on his secret agent phone. That would make him feel more in control.

He said a silent prayer, then pressed the trigger key once and waited. Nothing happened. He pressed it once more. Still, nothing happened.

Damnit! The night before, the speaker failed him. And now, the keys! "What kind of crap is this phone," he cursed. There was only one choice left. He would take care of it personally. He rushed into the cubicle where the Arabian was relieving himself, and pointed a bamboo chopstick at him. Gosh, the cubicle smelled like fermented milk.

"You're cornered! Now tell me what's your relationship with the girl out there!" the Agent demanded.

The Arabian was obviously scared enough to have urinated in his pants. But since he was on the toilet seat, it didn't matter anyway. "Sh-sh-she? She's my client."

The Agent could feel the world swirling around him. He thought he and his girlfriend were having a happy sex life all this while. But alas, no! She was paying this haggard Arabian guy for service?

"Wh-what kind of service do you provide?" the Agent was starting to lose his cool.

"No, not service. I'm a cactus merchant from Saudi Arabia. I sell exotic cacti. Orders come from all over the world. Some people claim cactus juice prolongs life, while some simply keep them as pets, " the Arabian replied. "This client is a cactus lover. Or at least, his boyfriend is. That's why she's getting him a cactus for Christmas."

The Agent hated to admit it but it made sense. He was a cactus lover. That was why the cactus in Q's office was the first object that caught his attention during his recent visit. But presuming this was true, it would mean that he had made the greatest mistake in his life. He should have trusted his girlfriend. He could blame his traumatic experiences for his paranoia but still, he could not forgive himself.

"No!" Wailing, the Agent ran out from the restroom, leaving the bewildered Arabian behind.

* * * * *

The Agent stretched out his right arm before him, the red cell phone held loosely between the forefinger and the thumb. "Sayonara," he closed his eyes and said softly. Then he let his hold loose. The cell phone slipped out of his fingers. Soon, all was left to gravity.

One. Two. Three... Seven...



No one hurled curses from below; no one was hit.

Good, the Agent thought. He looked down one last time and saw the giant Christmas tree, all lit up. Merry Christmas.

Now he would go home to his girlfriend. Well, after stopping by somewhere to get her a present. □End

2 persons flung their shoes:

K.O.J.A. said...

Okay, after reading the finale, I'm pretty sure you got a cactus dildo for Christmas and tried it with your ass, right?

Kryptos said...

hah, u sick moron. u're becoming a pain in the ass. if u wanna cash in on the idea of cactus dildos, go ahead.