Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The Secret Agent (Part II) - Eavesdropping

This is the second installment of the four-part series.
The Secret Agent (Part I) - Promotion
»The Secret Agent (Part II) - Eavesdropping
The Secret Agent (Part III) - The Arabian
The Secret Agent (Part IV) - Free-fall

The Agent had been playing with his new company phone for three days. The farting ringtones that came with the cell phone were hilarious - he couldn't help laughing till his stomach spasmed in pain. The stupid "Pin the Tail on the Orangutan" game was so fun that he stayed awake playing it for three nights - he wasn't even aware that orangutans didn't have tails. And he had also downloaded enough pirated movies to keep him entertained for a lifetime. Of course, he was also eager to try out the secret agent functions the cell phone had to offer. But it was not until the night before Christmas eve that the chance came by. He suspected that his new girlfriend was cheating on him, just like all his former girlfriends did. It was some kind of instinct he had developed after 10 failed relationships. Of course, he shrugged it off at first, attributing it to the trauma he had in his previous relationships. But then, experience taught him that clandestine phone calls were always reliable signs of a failing relationship. His current girlfriend had been getting late night calls from someone. Sometimes it was her insomniac mother. On other occasions, it would be her sick chihuahua. Well, at least that was what she claimed.

"Haha, you can't push me around like an idiot anymore," the Agent thought. He knew what he would do. He would confirm his suspicions once and for all. He could vaguely remember Q advising against eavesdropping on girlfriends but who'd find out? And even if someone did, what would they possibly do?

It was the day before Christmas eve. That night, he was stirred awake when his girlfriend silently crept out from the bed. Pretending to be still asleep, he watched her stealthily making it to the balcony.

He felt a surge of self-satisfaction. Just in case he was gleaming too brightly, he covered his face with the futon. Then he slided his secret agent phone on and pressed his right ear against the speaker. Earlier, he had configured the cell phone so that he could listen in on his girlfriend's phone calls.

Any moment now, he was going to find out about his girlfriend's secret lover. He knew exactly what he would do after that - blow up the faggot from the toilet seat. He owed the idea to his late, unfortunate colleague.


The Agent's eyebrows knitted into a tight knot. He sensed something wrong. Could it be that his girlfriend found out about his secret agent phone and sabotaged it? No, not very likely because he took the precaution of feeding the note Q gave him to his neighbour's rottweiler. A secret agent should never let his guard down.

Just then, something came through the static. "3... Sushi Queen..." That was all he could make out of it. So, she was going to meet her lover at Sushi Queen, 3 o'clock the next day, he surmised.

The Agent almost could not contain his anger at the betrayal. He wanted to confront her now and then. Or, he might as well remain patient till the next day so that he could catch both of them red-handed. But then, should he stick to his initial plan? Should he blow up the guy? Or should he strap him to a chair and torture him with the cactus? He would be too embarrassed to borrow it from Q though.

No, he eventually decided to go on with the explosives. That would be killing two birds with one stone - he had always hated the wasabi milk shake they served at Sushi Queen. He often entertained himself with the idea of blowing up the place. Well, just the toilet, at least. The Agent had never felt better. Revenge was sweet.

But further down his mind, something troubled him. He was sure there was a distinct Middle Eastern accent in that man's voice. And he wondered if it was anything significant...

2 persons flung their shoes:

K.O.J.A. said...

erm, please give it a cactus-up-the-ass ending

Kryptos said...

i hv no idea how i'm going to end this. but i dun think the cactus is going to end up in any orifice of any sort.